Additional to yesterday’s submit during which I addressed the surfeit of “game-changing” improvements in biking, I’m proud to introduce a brand new recurring characteristic* known as “Recreation Changer of the Day” (GCOTD) during which I analyze no matter’s alleged to be altering the sport immediately and decide whether it is in reality game-changing.

*[I know it sounds tedious, but don’t worry, there’s absolutely no chance I’ll stick to this.]

Right this moment’s GCOTD candidate is the brand new “Dutch-style bicycle hub” that’s coming to the Bronx.

Simply kidding! If it’s new and it’s an amenity it’s clearly coming to Brooklyn:

Not solely will this new bicycle hub characteristic plenty of parking for bikes of all sizes and all the required provisions for orgiastic battery swappage:

Housed in a 1,300-square-foot, ground-floor area, the power will characteristic “a vivid, welcoming setting furnished with trendy facilities that make driving simpler and way more handy.” With around-the-clock entry and 95 free safe parking areas for bikes, together with lodging for large-format bicycles and battery-free e-bikes, the Hub is poised to change into an important hyperlink in Brooklyn’s micromobility ecosystem.

Charging amenities for these battery-free e-bikes might be positioned simply exterior, whereas indoor battery swapping stations and safe charging choices for e-scooters and e-bikes might be accessible 24/7. In line with Oonee, “these amenities will even present a protected charging various to residents within the space,” addressing rising issues about unsafe e-bike battery charging in residential buildings.

However riders will even be capable of schedule repairs:

In a metropolis the place time is forex, Oonee is maintaining the commuter in thoughts. The Hub will embody an on-demand, quick-repair station designed to deal with jobs that take 20 minutes or much less—assume truing a wheel, fixing a spoke, or changing brakes.

“Versus a extra conventional bike store, this service might be commuter oriented and can give attention to repairs that may be accomplished in 20 minutes or beneath,” the corporate says. App-based appointment scheduling, fee, and work-order documentation will maintain every part streamlined. For extra advanced jobs, riders might be directed to area people bike outlets.

And in a nod to seamless commuting, the power will embody a dwell transit display displaying subway arrival occasions.

This actually does sound nice, and in contrast to these “charging cupboards” they’re sticking in the course of the sidewalk (to not point out these goddamn automobile chargers) I don’t see a single factor to not like about this. (Aside from the truth that Brooklyn actually doesn’t deserve any extra good stuff.) However is it game-changing? And in that case, how game-changing is it? So as to make a dedication, we must always most likely set up some kind of official scale, maybe with Checkers-to-Chess being the bottom degree of sport altering (I imply you may even use the identical board), and Tornado-to-Bear-Looking being the best (since Tornado and bear-hunting have completely nothing in frequent, except your bear hunt goes horribly awry and also you wind up wrestling with a bear):

I informed the AI to generate a picture for “Enjoying a sport of ‘Tornado’ with a grizzly bear” and clearly I ought to have specified a human enjoying a sport of Tornado with a grizzly bear as a result of as a substitute it generated a extremely disconcerting and game-changing two-legged ursuline ass-cub.

As for the bicycle hub, whereas as I say it does sound nice, numerous condo buildings and corporations have already got some fairly snazzy bike facilities, so when it comes to game-changery I’d put it someplace within the center, like perhaps Monopoly-to-Clue.

[Colonel Mustard in the library with a Mike FramePlumper frame pump]

Maybe subsequent Brooklyn will get a sequence of gravel-themed bike parking stations the place riders can retailer their artisanal bike baggage and mechanics who appear like Ultraromance can curate classic Shimergo drivetrains for them.

In the meantime, the one factor extra insulting than individuals in Brooklyn getting extra stuff is individuals telling you to get a superb night time’s sleep:

Hey, do you know sleep is nice for you?

A very good night time’s sleep is important for quicker biking. That is right down to the variety of variations to your physique that happen through the night time. 

Take human progress hormone (HGH), which is launched in bucket-loads from the mind’s pituitary gland once you’re asleep. HGH repairs and rebuilds muscle tissues, that means lack of sleep equals lack of HGH manufacturing, which equals restricted muscle progress. 

Yeah, no shit. We’d all prefer to sleep higher. We spend our complete lives attempting to beat the day into submission so we will get one thing resembling a good night time’s sleep. In a method I want all of the fawning opinions of ludicrously costly bikes and wheels, as a result of at the least you may put that stuff on a bank card and cope with it later. However now that’s not even sufficient and also you additionally want an worker to drive a “sleep van” for you?

The British group, now known as Ineos Grenadiers, tapped right into a wealth of research on this space, together with analysis that confirmed one night time’s restricted sleep resulted in a 4 per cent drop in time-trial efficiency. Or that extended sleep restriction considerably elevated inflammatory markers that raised the prospects of sickness and a spell off the saddle. 

It’s why an worker driving a ‘sleep van’ drove forward of the riders, swapping the upcoming resort’s mattresses and pillows for every rider’s personal mattress and topper. 

Possibly then I can lastly set that FKT:

For those who’re unfamiliar with the idea of the FKT, it’s a type of passive-aggressive competitors during which an influencer identifies an inconvenient problem, completes it, publicizes that they’ve accomplished it quicker than anyone else (at the least so far as they know), after which hopes no one else will be bothered. Regardless of having learn the article I’m nonetheless not clear if this specific FKT refers back to the biking, or the climbing, or the operating, or all of it collectively, or what. All I do know is a few Spaniard with lots of time on his palms scurried all around the western United States and busted his foot within the course of:

The circumstances had been removed from superb. A boulder crushed his foot. Storms obscured the technical ridges. Sleep deprivation set in as he climbed Mount Sill earlier than dawn. However in 56 hours, 11 minutes, and 4 seconds (pending verification) he accomplished Norman’s 13 within the quickest supported time but recorded.

They need to actually change the title from “Quickest Identified Time” to “Excessive Vacationing.”