Viewers’ Guide to the Giro d’Italia: Nine Reasons To Celebrate the Corsa Rosa

With two stages in the books, and about a week spent trying to think of something original to say in my (checks watch) 18th Giro d’Italia preview, I would say it all comes down to this: there is always a good reason to celebrate the Corsa Rosa. Sometimes you just have to dig a little deeper.

Look, I am not saying that true happiness can be found in watching professional cycling (although I’m not saying it can’t either). I am simply saying that if true happiness could be found from watching professional cycling, the folks at the Giro d’Italia would be first in line to help people realize this precious goal. Nobody wants you to love their race more than our Italian friends. By comparison, I think the Tour de France (understandably) wouldn’t mind if people found a little less happiness at their race sometimes, and that’s even before we apply any generalizations about French attitudes toward visitors. The Vuelta organizers probably would love to be the source of greater joy, but the race starts in August in Spain, at which point half the country is overrun with tourists, and the other half is enduring weather that makes it borderline hostile to human habitation. So instead they just throw in a million climbs and sit back while the race turns incredible. You make do with what you can.

[I’m not sure what the Flanders Classics folks want in terms of worldwide embrace; probably they find their broader appreciation amusing for a moment, and then go back to what they were doing.]

Anyway, as I was saying, this year’s Giro will be a joyful event, and the best possible evidence I can offer you to support this is the fact that EVERYONE thinks the race is going to suck. They think that even more so now, after 48 hours and the incredibly predictable accelerations of Tadej Pogačar. I’m not denying thinking this myself, especially since the crash that put Wout Van Aert out of the race.

But that is not how cycling works. Just when you think the race is going to be the ultimate showdown, something goes awry and the battle fails to materialize. And similarly, just when you have given up on a good race materializing, well now… that’s when cycling has you just where they want you. And before you can start to unpack the (ahem) logic that may or may not be involved in this assessment, here is a cool graphic of the 2024 Giro stages to divert your attention:

Look at all those stages!

Normally the Viewers’ Guide to the Giro goes stage-by-stage and tries to equate the urgency you should feel about a particular stage to something in real life. Like the time I considered what level of married-couple date night plans you should be willing to cancel in order to watch the stage. Or there was the time I considered how best to fit in watching with recovering from surgery. Or the times when we advised you how to choose between watching the Giro and walking your dog, or doing your job, or a bunch of other daily tasks that you should plan ahead for when best to blow them off to watch cycling.

I am not going down that road this year, it’s too time consuming and I think calculating the joy potential of each stage is not going to be possible in advance. As the race evolves, fine, but you can’t just put stuff on the internet at the exact moment you want to. But! I will point out nine things about the race I think are going to be worth rejoicing, and I will pair them with a cute and/or joyful internet video that roughly corresponds to the level of happiness you should feel about each item.

1) The White Roads Stage

Oh, hello there cycling’s most … not beloved roads, maybe more like the roads that cycling fans have the biggest crush on? I’m making a little pun there, since we are talking about the strade bianche, back roads in Tuscany coated with crushed white marble.

Is this an exact replica of the Strade Bianche race? Not even close. Longtime cycling fans are plenty familiar with how the grand tours will take advantage of the cachet of famous, very technical race courses and co-op that cachet with a heavily diluted version of the original. To that, I of course say Feh! Feh is an old Yiddish version of meh, I think, only with an extra dash of salt. Probably every culture has a version of feh! and probably a lot of them rhyme with “feh” too. I don’t know. I just know that if you really want to understand the sentiment being expressed, just picture someone asking Roger De Vlaeminck about modern day riders. Anyway, to this watered down version of the Strade Bianche I give it three Feh!s (out of a possible five).

But there are some 12km of white roads, a tolerable amount for the classics guys but a test for the skinny climbers perhaps. Plus a nasty little surprise at the end:

Oh just a little TWENTY PERCENT CLIMB between friends. No biggie. This stage is wild.

Cute video/Giro joy pairing: Buongiorno Cat. I know, tough act to follow.

2) The Time Trials

Worried that a dominant climber is going to take all of the fun out of the race? Well… you should be. But only because he’s not terrible at time trials. If he were, or if someone (coughGcough) smashes them forcefully enough, well now, we could have ourselves quite a race. You see, there are not merely two time trials in this race, there are two time trials dropped into the mix with the nonchalance of a Tour de France. Of course, the Giro has a long history of hosting time trials, but they usually seem to do so with an air of reluctance. It’s not so much “oh yes of course you must also be adept at ze contre-le-montre over ze long flat distances because this is cyclisme yes?” as it is “oh, si, we have-a de taim traiallo maaa alloro here you see, what if de taim traiallo were also a montagna stage!?!”

The first time trial, on stage 7 next Saturday, is… also a mountain stage:

And holy hell… not your average climbing bit.

But the second time trial, on stage 14, is a relatively flat circuit from the outskirts of Milan to Lake Garda:

Where are the gimmicky features? Do you have to ride through a winery or cross a road made out of crushed olives? Are we really just going to have a normal crono, across normal roads, in Italy?! I literally can’t remember this ever happening.

Cute video/Giro joy pairing: Raccoon jumping out of a farm thingy. I don’t know if you have raccoons where you live, but if not, you should get some.

3) The Napoli Phase

In Napoli… where love is king… boy and girl meet bikes… here’s what they say…

I’ll admit I am genetically predisposed toward overreacting to every Giro stage in the upper Mezzogiorno. But I will not apologize, for a variety of reasons. One, pizza. You’re welcome. Two, somewhere you need hard stages before the final week way up north, and the Campania/Abruzzo stages usually deliver. This year is no different.

This year’s edition of the Giro goes no further south than Eboli, taking a cue from Primo Levi and/or Jesus, but we get two very lovely stages around the Old City — one literally ending there and another taking off from the even older (if not quite so lively anymore) neighboring town of Pompeii. The former comes down from Avezzano to land on the Via Francesco Caracciolo on the Naples waterfront, a short walk from the real neighborhoods of the Partenopeii (or some of them anyway). This approach from the west has become a Giro standard when involving Naples, without crossing the array of rail tracks and horrendous traffic in the city’s eastern half. It also loops in the Monte di Procida, a 3km-ish climb with a descent that flattens out a few km from the line, not a bad place to steal a stage from the sprinters.

The next day the peloton gets its first break from racing, and if there’s any justice, it will look like a bunch of team buses dropping riders off at their hotels on some impossibly tiny side street in the Quartieri Spagnoli, followed by a day of margherita pizza and excellent coffee. On Tuesday the race resumes from Pompeii and winds into the interior of Campania, with a couple nasty climbs, including an Apennine MTF.

Final climb is more of a power climb with some nasty bits, rising out of the town of Cusano Mutri and getting increasingly tough as it goes along:

Not sure why the “climb stats” begin with 3km of altitude loss, but anyway, the business bits are most of the finale and they will hurt a bit. I’m not sure whether lesser gradients give Pogs more of an advantage over his beleaguered rivals, or it dilutes his relative awesomeness to some degree. Guess we will find out next Tuesday. Anyway, I am very curious to see what that area looks like up above.

Cute video/Giro joy pairing: Reunited, and it feels so good.

4) The Mortirolo Queen Stage

Oh. Oh shit. That thing again.

The Mortirolo is back after a year off, for the tenth time in the new millennium, ready to torture the peloton anew. Wait, maybe not torture per se. You see, this year they are taking on the “easy side.” Ahem:

Here is the Climbbybike.com review of the climb from the Edolo/Monno departure, which goes east to west. It is also possible to climb from the north, via Grosio, which is harder, or if you’re a complete masochist, via Mazzo, which is considered one of the hardest bike rides in Europe. Thankfully, the Giro is not only not going up from Mazzo, it’s not descending that side either, though the drop down to Grosio is challenging enough in spurts.

The race ends on a double-action MTF going over the Passo del Foscagno and then one last hump to the ski resort at Mottolino. I guess we should be happy that the Giro didn’t unload the Mazzo climb on the peloton, or the racing to this stage’s conclusion could be less joy and more a vibe of abject misery. Such a fine line…

Cute video/Giro joy pairing: Annoying your siblings is something I hope every species can relate to.

5) Will you please visit an Italian beach?

The Giro is rightfully renowned for its rides along Italy’s endless coastline, and for those of you who remember RAI coverage from 20 years ago, it seemed like a very Italian thing where the helicopter would search around for people (OK, attractive women) playing in the surf, even while the race was going on. Things are a bit more, shall we say, professional now, but the Giro continues to feature its beaches in a more blatantly organized effort at luring in vacationers. This year’s race seems to take that to a slightly higher level.

Here is a list of the stages which will include at least one significant beach area:

Stage 4: After a few days of Piedmont, the Giro finally reaches the Italian Riviera for about 60km of coastline riding.

Stage 5: Most of the first 45km, starting from Genova, are along the water, and the last phase of the race looks like it’s just barely inland from the Ligurian Sea.

Stage 6? Eh, maybe the riders won’t see the water, maybe 1km away from the start, but the helicopters sure will.

Stage 9: About half the course is along the Mediterranean coast, even before the race arrives on the Napoli lungomare.

Stage 10? Like stage 6, the start in Pompeii feels awfully coastal but the racers won’t see the water once the flag goes up.

Stage 11: A solid 100km of beaches in this Adriatic run.

Stage 12: Another 50km of beach to start. The riders will do well not to fall into the harbor at Fano a few blocks from the finish line.

Stage 13: A few km of neutralized racing to start the day along the beach.

Stage 14: Finally enough of the sea! Let’s have a time trial to… the harbor at Lake Garda.

Stage 15: Rolling out of Lake Garda before really, finally, getting away from the water.

Stage 21: No tour of Rome would be complete without a spin down along the Lido di Ostia.

Cute video/Giro joy pairing: Celebrating the wonders of the sea, here’s a whale punking a boatload of tourists.

6) White Jersey Comp

Hey! I found a general classification that Tadej Pogačar can’t win! Which itself is news, I guess, because he apparently just aged out of the Young Rider competition in time for his Giro debut.

The maglia bianca is currently on the shoulders of Cian Uijtdebroeks, and there’s a good chance it will stay there, but the competition is pretty even. His closest threat at the moment is Alex Baudin, who has raced the Giro before, which is his biggest leg up, but otherwise he doesn’t have a ton of results suggesting he can win. Next is Mauri Vansevenant, followed by Filippo Zana and Luke Plapp, all credible threats to hang with this crew. The top name in the field, though, is Thymen Arensman, who got off to a terrible start Saturday, and who spent Saturday night answering questions about his dad’s use of Twitter where he dragged Thymen’s trainers for not preparing him. With two sixth-place finishes in grand tours (Giro and Vuelta), Arensman is a level up on the field here, or has been before today, but tomorrow is another day.

Cute video/Giro joy pairing: Just honoring the jersey here…

7) New Climbs

Italy has a literally endless supply of mountains, thanks to the magic of plate tectonics, where even if you think you know how many mountains they have, if you wait long enough (geologically speaking), there will be additional ones. Sometimes the Giro leans on mostly familiar names, but this edition has a nice variety to the list of climbs.

Prati di Tivo: You know this one from Tirreno-Adriatico, but it’s about to light up the Giro for the first time. It’s a fairly steady 7-8% with its share of switchbacks.

Bocca della Selva/Cusano Mutri: This appears to be a debut as a finishing climb, although the race went over it mid-stage in 2016 and 2021. Discussed above; not the leg-breaker type.

Passo di Pinei: The race came over the top in 2017 from the opposite direction, with the Pinei being a minor feature followed by a long descent. Now the race will do the whole Pinei en route to the finish at Val Gardena/Monte Pana/Ortisei — these places have a million names, which is very Italian, although I’m not sure why a mountain would be trying to avoid paying taxes.

Passo del Foscagno/Passo dell’Eira/Mottolino Fun Mountain: The Giro ends stage 16 and begins stage 17 at this ski resort which has apparently made a move on the word “fun” being part of its intellectual property. On the plus side, it looks like they have a downhill mountain bike park. On the down side, it looks like they have a freestyle skiing park, to the dismay of every area dad who just wants to take their kid on some fresh powder turns.

Passo Gobbera: Apparently you can see it in the background of this photo from the 2022 Tour of the Alps, which might be as close as the Gobbera has come to being included in a race. From the Climbbybike link it looks like one of those crazy cool switchback-fests that you could get dizzy descending, and maybe even climbing.

Passo Brocon: Another climb for which I have no information showing it’s been in the Giro before, the race will climb two different sides of it to finish up the stage 17 Dolomite-fest. The second ascent to the finish is the harder one. And look for me to wear out the joke, if it ain’t Brocon, don’t fix it.

Forcella di Lius: Apparently it’s the opposite side of the Passo Duron, and it’s a punchy hard leg-warmer-upper on Stage 19.

The finishing climb of Stage 19, the Cima Sappada, isn’t totally new but it’s made only rare appearances, the last in 1990, and this year’s edition will be the most incredible scene of the entire race. Some 40km away from the nearest border with Slovenia, and barely a three hour drive from Lubljana, this could be Pogačar’s best chance to celebrate him doing what he does best on terrain that could almost be called home.

Cute video/Giro joy pairing: No animals involved here, but as far as joy goes, I’m not sure you can top the trick shot bros.

8) A cRaZy Cobbles Sprint in Ancient Rome?

Every time the Giro goes to Rome, I carry on about how amazing it all is. I have strong feelings about Rome, which makes me different from… I dunno, at least a third of the human population who don’t have strong feelings (yet) about Rome. So yes, everyone needs another round about how cool it is for the Giro to go there.

This time the course is heavily focused on the ruins of ancient Rome, including a cobblestone sprint that ends outside the Colosseum. Gladiatorial shit! It looks like they go up the Campidoglio a few times and swing by Piazza Navona en route to the river where they get a peep at St. Peter’s Square. All good stuff. I’m just saying, this isn’t the neighborhoody version of past Rome loops. It’s heavy on the tourist stuff. It’s like Rome is worried about half of America going to Barcelona this summer instead. [And if you don’t like it, well, AS Roma should’ve paid up for Messi when they had the chance.] [I’m joking now.]

Cute video/Giro joy pairing: Back to more cats. Cats are huge in Rome.

9) What if we DO get a battle for Pink?

See, this is the real question hanging over this race. What if it’s not really over? As I mentioned above in the TT bit, Thomas is lingering and unlike Pogačar he’s raced here before and knows the ropes. Trial and error, it’s what the Giro is all about, and Thomas has tried all the errors in Italy.

There are a lot of reasons why pre-race favorites don’t always win, and we don’t need to go thru all of the basic realities of cycling, but I will say that he is showing an awful lot of aggression with 19 days left to go. He came in on huge form, which isn’t the pathway to success for some.

The reason for feeling hopeless is if you just think everyone is going to be at their best all the time and go head-to-head when the road tilts up. In that scenario, Pogačar wins easily. That gives him a huge leg up as he metes out his punishment along the way, knowing he can hold back until it’s the perfect time. Will he though? Will he get his plan right? Will all of his support systems work as they are supposed to? No idea. But it’s not over.

Cute video/Giro joy pairing: The only racing duel that tops a good Giro.